I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
