Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
