You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
