What did we do last night that was yellow?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
