i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
