just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
