Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
