ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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