I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I forgot how hot balto sounded
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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