I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
