i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
