you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
