So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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