She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
