She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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