WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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