there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
