I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize