when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize