I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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