It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
