happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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