does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
