WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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