I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
as a side note pls kill me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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