Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
