So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
