You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
