so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
