I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
