I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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