The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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