This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
