Got a toothbrush?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
