Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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