the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
