I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your cock deserves a montage
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
