Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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