im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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