I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just high enough for therapy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
