Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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