if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
