He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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