You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
