i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize