There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
