She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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