I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
