Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
