I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize