Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
