"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
