I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
