I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize