What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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