her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
