so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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