first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
