If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my being single is dangerous.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
