theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
