i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
