hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
