sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
