So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
