I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
