so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
