I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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