I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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