i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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