I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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