with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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