the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
