Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
