I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
