Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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