My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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