I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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