you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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