I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
