Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
