false alarm. still invincible.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
