One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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