508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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