Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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