hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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