She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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