I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize