do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
