i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize