He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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