you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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