Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
