i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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