Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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