You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Someone came in the potted fern
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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