This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found your dick twin last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
