His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
