Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
