i just had sex bonerless
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
